Heartbroken

My new skates are dirtied. They're not even a month old. Only about 2 weeks I suppose. I think I'm the only person who's ever dirtied their skates after 2 hours of handling. Well it wasn't entirely my fault. Silica gel is white, and so are my skates. Of course I couldn't see. I wiped it once, and under reaction with water, it turned blue. But now that it's evaporated.. or most of them has, my skates have become sort of whiteish. Unfortunately, my boot cover caused it to have smudges again. Ironically, boot covers are supposed to make my skates stay clean. Would I ever use it again? I don't know. I'm considering skate tapes. And I really need to polish my skates, provided that the shop does sell it. After 2 weeks.. yeah it's a joke. Sigh it's going to cost me some money. My parents do not understand my OCDing over my skates remaining sparklingly white. I mean come on, it cost a fortune! I was planning to use my skates for as long as possible, unknowing that it would become so dirty so quickly. And my coach asked why are your skates in this color. How insulting!

Stress+sick =?

Sigh I'm feeling stressed up, though I don't suppose I have to be. I'm piling up my homework in one huge pile, and I worry day and night that I won't be able to complete it. I know this is an unnecessary action to raise my stress level, but honestly, I really can't bring myself to do homework. It's time consuming, redundant and well I just don't see a need to even have homework! I think I'm getting rebellious again, but I can't help it. I'm so bored. And I think I fell into that same old trap again. Life is going too slowly.

Even stress relieving activities.. dance.. skate.. watching movies.. they're not working for me. At the momeny I carry out the activity, yes, I do feel that the world belongs to me. But after that, I feel more stressed than ever, because I've used up my time doing those stuff, which leaves me with less time than ever. It's really odd, but I still can't find a point of equilibrium. Anyway, I only have August's monthly test, and it'll be over. September is trial. October is PMR. Gasp. Only like 80 more days to go.

And I am still not getting an A in BM. I'm frustrated. Maybe my teacher is marking too strictly. But if the examiner marks this strictly in PMR too, then I won't get an A. I'm pretty certain I can ace everything, except BM. And my teacher isn't doing anything to help us improve our karangan. Seriously, I'm devastated. I don't want to get a B for BM. Well I have a test tomorrow, I'll see if I can get an A then. I hope I do, it will assure me a little.

The weather is very bad these days. Haze is attacking once again. And once again, I'm being attacked by it. Sore throat, running nose, cough.. everything you can imagine. It's taking the life out of me. That's one of the reason I'm not up to doing homework. My brain is affected by it. It sucks out my mood, and leaves me as grey as the sky outside.

My movie analysis.. I can't do it. Perfectionism bites once more. I wonder why I keep going in and out of the phase.

Ruby Red by Linzi Glass

It's a beautifully written book, entwined with politics and love.

Ruby Winters lives in a world divided by colors. The colors remain pure as gold, never contaminated, as though there's an invisible barrier between each colors, to ensure their purity. Like how water and oil never mix. But to Ruby's eyes, there is no separation of color. What sets them apart is their heart. To the outside world, she is white, and her companions are white. But once she crosses the threshold of her house, into the hidden world that exists behind the iron gates of her home, she is no longer who everyone sees on the outside.

Ruby is that invisible barrier, separating herself from her peers and everyone. A prefect and A student at school, working with Julian, a black artist, falling in love with an Afrikaan boy, she manages to not fall off the thin strand of line she is standing on, though she is constantly living in conspiracy. A remarkable girl, with remarkable courage.

I love the ending of the book. Unfortunately, I can't get a quote. I will try to though.

New Skates!

Yay I finally got my new skates! Jackson Freestyle. And they do fit. Big relief to that, considering how much they cost. $189. Definitely don't want to take it all that lightly. Plus blade guards and boot covers and tights, about $215. Woe behold, my boot covers don't fit, though they said one size fits all. Anyway I kept stretching it, and the threads are coming off, but now it fits. Better than the whole thing not being able to fit, and I can always resew the threads. Another sorrow. My skates were dirtied when they were handed for sharpening. I can't figure out how to remove the stains, probably made by iron filings or some powder substance used for sharpening. The powders were invisible at first, but when I touched the boot, the powder smeared out, creating what looks like dark bluish stains. Scratch it. It's not iron filings. It's silica.. according to my dad. Though it shouldn't matter since I'll be having boot covers over them, but I really wanted them to be all perfect. They're new after all. I hate leather. I couldn't clean my leather ballet flats either, having them ended up to have blotches here and there. Sigh.

Anyway back to my skating lesson.. after being idle for three weeks. I did stroking, crossovers, and three turns again. Don't really mind though, since perfecting basics is really important. Left, right stroking, right over left crossovers, left, right, outside three turns one landing are all nicely executed. It's only my left over right crossovers that I can't do. For one thing, going clockwise is not a comfortable motion for me. Also I don't really have any confidence skating on right leg, especially not that lesson, as the blades were a little dull and I kept slipping.

I have no idea what the deal is with one landing, two landing three turns. I mean who cares how many landings you do? Sigh I don't know. And I never asked my coach what it was all about. Maybe I should, the next lesson. Much as I say I don't care that I'm not learning new things, I do. I have nothing new to practice, and that makes me bored. I also envy other students, who are not perfect at three turn nor crossovers or T stops but they get to learn bunny hop, two foot spin and all that. But I don't. And I don't want to waste 10 lessons doing the same thing over and over again. It's a serious waste of money. Time.. I have all the time on hand so I don't really care. But I think my coach is putting off teaching me new stuff until I have my own skates, so that I don't have to relearn some moves. Well now I have my own skates, we'll see how next lesson goes.

On another note, I have my left split when I'm fully warmed up! Considering I only began stretching for a month, and I had a hamstring injury. If I had not been injured, my right leg should have been more flexible. I don't know why, but I injured my right leg more seriously. Waiting for it to recover.. meanwhile, still stretching! I want to be able to do a spiral on ice! It's such a graceful movement on ice.. my favorite element! It's a wonder I still prefer Mao Asada to Sasha Cohen, who is so known for a perfect spiral. But the first thing of Mao which struck me was her spiral, or rather her cuffs floating about when she was performing her spiral. Which made me like her spiral.. maybe. I don't know, and I don't really have to know do I?

Lots of exclamation marks but I'm really hyped up about my skates! Hope to get to skate in them next week. I tried heat molding, but there wasn't any real obvious difference before and after. I daren't try heat molding a second time. My boots have been tortured enough by me, by all sorts of cleaning agents. I don't want them to spoil even before I start skating in them!